Caution: Sporking Silent Melody!

[sticky post]Shinra High and Shinra SOLDIER Spork: Index Page
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Here is where you can find links to every chapter of Shinra High, Shinra SOLDIER and Silent Melody I have sporked, alone or in collaboration with other people (mostly my astral husband Iscariot).

Note: It took a lot of time and sanity, but the Shinra High resporking is complete. We will now be focusing on resporking the rewrite of this story.
All fanfictions, drawings and essays are the work of and belong to Julia the Sephirothslave, unless stated otherwise.

Shinra High

It's a dragonclaw ring.
Chapter 1 - Shinra High                                             Rewritten version here.
Chapter 2 - Pranksters and Preps                             Rewritten version here.
Chapter 3 - Science Class                                          Rewritten version here.
Chapter 4 - Aftermath                                                 Rewritten version here.
Chapter 5 - Lunch Shift                                               Rewritten version here.
Chapter 6 - Fight Corps                                              Rewritten version here.
Chapter 7 - Round One                                               Rewritten version here.
Chapter 8 - K.O.                                                          Rewritten version here.
Chapter 9 - Sephiroth vs. Rude                                 Rewritten version here.
Chapter 10 - Final Round
Chapter 11 - And Now For a "Normal" Gym Class...
Chapter 12 - And Now For a "Normal" Gym Class, Part 2
Chapter 13 - Final Period (At last)
Chapter 14 - And the Insanity Continues
Chapter 15 - Is There a Psychiatrist in the Building?
Chapter 16 - Is There a Psychiatrist in the Building? Part 2
Chapter 17 - You Know the Day Sucks When...
Chapter 18 - Post Recovery Blues
Chapter 19 - Hazy Day
Chapter 20 - Shinra Inc.
Chapter 21 - In Professor Hojo's Labs
Chapter 22 - As the Sun Sets
Special Chapter - The Calling
Chapter 23 - Midgar Night
Chapter 24 - Dawn and Day
Chapter 25 - A Day of Stresses
Chapter 26 - A Day of Stresses - Part 2
Chapter 27 - After School
Chapter 28 - The Breakup
Chapter 29 - Midgar City Hospital
Chapter 30 - Midgar City Hospital - Part 2
Chapter 31 - Home at Last
Chapter 32 - On the Run
Chapter 33 - Safe-Haven?
Chapter 34 - Absolution
Chapter 35 - The Dungeon
Chapter 36 - Makou
Chapter 37 - Resolution
Chapter 38 - Back to School
Chapter 39 - Science Class Again!
Special Chapter: A Rose for Laura
Chapter 40 - The Plan
Chapter 41 - Football
Chapter 42 - After-Effects
Chapter 43 - The Truth in Lies
Chapter 44 - Announcements
Chapter 45 - Homecoming
Chapter 46 - The Dance
Chapter 47 - Chaos Incarnate
Chapter 48 - Makou Therapy Treatment
Chapter 49 - Break of Day
Chapter 50 - The New and Improved SOLDIER Training Course, guest sporker beacon80
Chapter 51 - The Laboratory,
guest sporker nix501st
Chapter 52 - Battle Royale
, guest sporker little_masaouki
Chapter 53 - Notes of Interest
Chapter 54 - Life as a Pet
Chapter 55 - Experimentation
Chapter 56 - The Plot
Chapter 57 - The Escape
Chapter 58 - Lost in the Labs
, guest sporker Loki
Chapter 59 - Finale
Shinra High Conclusions and Epilogue


I hope she looks evil enough.
Chapter 1 - Prologue
Chapter 2 - In the Barracks
Chapter 3 - Makou Therapy for the Inexperienced
Chapter 4 - Night in the Barracks
Chapter 5 - Day One
Chapter 6 - Warm Up

Chapter 7 - Physical Training
Chapter 8
- Weapons Combat
Chapter 9 - Weapons Combat Part 2, guest sporker tealdear
Chapter 10 - Water Training

Chapter 11 - Materia Training
Chapter 12 - Lunch
Chapter 13 - Life as a Turk-Trainee
Chapter 14 - To Be a SOLDIER

Chapter 15 - Dinner
Chapter 16 - A Walk in the Night
Chapter 17 - Caught!
Chapter 18 - Night on the Town, part 2 - part 3
Chapter 19 - Warnings
Chapter 20 - Preparations
Chapter 21 - The Fort Condor Conflict
Chapter 22 - Camp
Chapter 23 - Watch

Chapter 24 - The Second Battle
Chapter 25 - A Necessary Change in Strategy
Chapter 26 - A Pleasant Turn of Events
Chapter 27 - The Attack

Chapter 28 - Back in the Barracks
Chapter 29 - Challenges part 1 part 2

Chapter 30 - Challenges - Part 2
Chapter 31 - The Final Challenge
Chapter 32 - At the Office
Chapter 33 - At the Office - Part 2
Chapter 34 - Tests and Training
Chapter 35 - Side-Effects
Chapter 36 - A Conversation
Chapter 37 - The Crash
Chapter 38 - The Recovery
Chapter 39 - The Recovery - Part 2
Chapter 40 - A Proposition, guest sporker vengence_izmine
Chapter 41 - A Series of Surprises
Chapter 42 - Wedding Plans
Chapter 43 - The Records of the Wutain War
Chapter 44 - Debriefing
Chapter 45 - Landing
Chapter 46 - The First Confrontation
Chapter 47 - The First Attack
Chapter 48 - Objectionable Times
Chapter 49 - Sudden Outbursts, guest sporker chaotic_legion

Chapter 50 - Tense Encounters
Chapter 51 - Nightmares
Chapter 77 - Back on the Job, guest sporker Ryu
* An unfinished spork of Shinra High by Gamera can be found here.

* An unfinished spork roleplay of Shinra High can be found in this thread.

* A dramatic reading of the first chapter of Shinra High can be found here (part I) and here (part II).

* Silly author, tricks are for kids: A post dedicated to debunking Sephirothslave's claims regarding the age at which she wrote the stories we are sporking.

* The Bastion of Questionable Sanity, a community dedicated to reporting and sporking Mary Sues from a large number of fandoms.

The Potter Sue of the Day, a website dedicated to weeding out Harry Potter Mary Sues.

* das_sporking is home to an intensely active community of sporkers from various fandoms and probably the only place where one can find sporked versions of infamous Harry Potter, Supernatural, Lord of the Rings and Twilight fanfictions. The centerpiece however, is das_mervin's impressive sporking effort of the Twilight books, featuring Mervin's inhuman determination, witty guest sporkers, awesome spitefics and more than one meltdown. Readers can also enjoy excellent fanfiction in das_mervin's journal!

*Silly Novels by Lady Novelists is an essay written in 1856 by George Eliot, thanks to which we have a clever and amusing portrait of the Mary Sues and Suethors of that time. 

Garfield: Royal Rescue
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static_crown Garfield: Royal Rescue static_crown
by ShakespeareHemmingway

Alternative Title:
Time for a British invasion!

I am a somewhat new fan of Garfield. I think I started going on an archive binge three or four years ago and I found him hilarious. Him and Rat from Pearls Before Swine are two of my favorite newspaper comic characters. I never went as far as to search for fanfiction of Garfield, because I honestly did not know there was any. And then last year I was made aware of my ignorance - Et est, ergo habet fanfictione. It exists, therefore it has fanfiction. As I was searching for the next Shinra High, I saw this story in a list of most hilarious badfics and read it on a whim.

Royal Rescue is in my opinion the type of story that is too funny and epic to be considered badfic. You can't get mad at it because there is no way it can be taken seriously. It defies that through its plot, characters and very quotable lines. Onwards!

The tale of a Musclecat and a British Biscuit.Collapse )

We return with fresh forces!
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Hey guys!

You read the title right, we are back in business!

minions applausepartyminions applause

I think I owe you guys an update regarding my (Lian) absence. I have thought often of the spork and made plans for it, but somehow there was always something preventing me from dedicating myself to it again: either I was tired or spending time with my loved ones, going places, working on my volunteer work etc. and this culminated in my old laptop showing its venerable age by killing its keyboard and being a general pain. But now I'm back on track and here's what I have been up to:

2013 has been an awesome year for me. I underwent surgery and healed well, got a great new job involving a set of skills which is closest to my heart: my knowledge of foreign languages.

Fun fact: I learned German exclusively by watching German television, and anime in particular. Back then, I could never imagine just how important and sought-after German could be! Not many people speak it from where I come from, which gives German speakers some serious leverage when discussing things like salary.

Quenched my thirst for travelling in December 2013 by flying to London and enjoying the amazing city and its sights. Their sweets are absolutely delicious, my favorite were the violet creams (bought a box on a whim and ended up falling in love with their taste). I miss London.

2014 has been even better! After a year spent working at my job, I was made a better offer by a different company and went from entry-level to management. The new job is demanding, but the upper management is great and they're sending me to Munich, Germany for a month so I can cross that off my list of things I want to happen to me. I remember how I used to envy people who traveled a lot with their job, wishing I had that kind of opportunity... I hope it's going to happen more and more!

I can't wait to start sporking again. We have several projects that we have worked on during 2013 and 2014 but we never got around to publishing them because we lacked the time to polish and edit them until we were satisfied. I and Iscariot usually take days to edit a post and if something doesn't feel right, it can take up to a week. Expect to see our projects soon!

What is new in house Spork? Spork Challenges! Do you know a particularly bad fanfic in dire need of some sporking? Send us your submissions! More info will be posted soon in a separate post.

I leave you with a glorious photo of my kitten, Bacon.



Foresaken - Chapter 1
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Foresaken Chapter 1 Spork.Collapse )

Foresaken - Prologue
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This unfinished story comprises of one prologue and one chapter and it can be accurately characterized as a ridiculous character-bashing story centered on Hojo. There isn't really much that I can add to this. It's typical Slave: overblown, misinformed, misinterpreted.

Hark! Epic fail below the cut!Collapse )


Silent Melody Chapter 4
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Shinra CSI - Hobo edition.Collapse )

Silent Melody Chapter 3
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Silent Melody Chapter 3 Spork.Collapse )

Silent Melody Chapter 2
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Silent Melody Chapter 2 Spork.Collapse )

Silent Melody Chapter 1
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Silent Melody Chapter 1 Spork.Collapse )

Sporking Silent Melody: Author's note
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Is it that time, already? I guess it is.

After inflicting her two stories Shinra High and Shinra SOLDIER upon the unsuspecting Final Fantasy VII community, Sephirothslave was inspired by the release of Advent Children into adding a third part to her morally corrupted saga of suck. And so, on April 30th 2006, a great shadow descended upon the
Pit of Voles in the shape of the first chapter of Silent Melody. This story places Sephiroth firmly in the Woobie seat, screws around with every single facet of the film canon and threatens to revive what should stay dead and buried.

We should have known the film would not be safe. Alas.

Unlike her previous work, Slave stopped posting chapters after a while, leaving her third installment unfinished - much to our relief (or masochistic disappointment). What she did post is well worth a read though, and we have taken up our sporks again in the hopes of providing you all with hours of fun. Before we throw ourselves in the midst of mediocrity and sappy wishfulfillment however, we have a rather large author's note to take care of. Sit back, gentle readers, and you muses sing for us while we prepare the stage for the most unnecessary, unapologetically biased story Slave has ever written.


*cracks open brain bleach*Collapse )

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